crimes and sins, joys and loves
by frances janvier
Summary: two and a half times they were friends, and one time they were enemies.
**The second half of this was pretty rushed but deadlines are deadlines, so. Ack.**

 **Written for the A Perfect Circle May Contest :) Prompt:** Now my neck is open wide/Begging for a fist around it/Already choking on my pride/So there's no use crying about it

* * *

She was bloodied and cut practically everywhere on her body. But somehow, she still managed to keep standing throughout it all. She looked her attacker directly in her eye.

"I don't suppose you remember me, do you?" she asked, flashing a wink. "I suppose you do, or otherwise why else would you have clawed me?" The other cat was breathing heavily, bloodlust fading but still there in her eyes, and yet somehow couldn't bring herself to advance.

When she finally spoke, her voice was hoarse and ragged. "Yes. Yes, I remember you clearly, Flower. I remember everything you've done."

Flower let out a weak laugh. "Thanks. I'm flattered, Fern." Her desperate attempt at a joke died out quickly, though.

"I- I remember the happy times too, but I can't stop remembering when you _turned_ on me, Flower," Fern said, gritting her teeth. "I can't just forget your crimes and sins, Flower."

"Buy me some time, then. Tell me all my crimes and sins, and my joys and my loves. It's not like I can fight back now anyway."

Fern took in a deep breath, but, just like always, she couldn't resist Flower.

* * *

The first time, they were just kits. About five moons old, if Fern recalled correctly.

All the other rogue kits in camp were playing a game of moss-ball, except for Fern and Flower. They were standing on opposite sides of the clearing, not really engaging with each other.

 _This is weird. I thought Flower was one of the competitive and athletic kits...? Why would she ever pass up on a game of moss-ball?_ Fern, of course, was a different story. She didn't like interacting with other cats much, and was pretty shy in general. Which, according to the High Leader Leaf, was going to be the end of her one day in the future.

Fern didn't notice Flower sneaking up behind her until she was literally right behind her. "Gotcha!" Flower squeaked playfully as she pounced on top of Fern.

Unable to restrict herself, Fern burst out laughing. "Oof. Get off me, Flower, you mouse-brain!" Why had she even called out and made a friendly insult? Normal Fern wouldn't have been so bold, especially since she hadn't talked to Flower _that_ much. She thought. But, anyway, there was just something about Flower that just... That just made Fern feel happy and bubbly inside like everything was going to be alright. She also had an air of... What was it... Regality. That's it.

"Hey, who are you calling mouse-brain?"

Flower winked at her, and their teasing banter continued until they were directed back inside the nursery with the other kits.

* * *

The second time, they were apprentices. About eight moons old.

"Partner up."

The instructor for the day uttered those words pretty loudly, and yet Fern still could not comprehend.

 _Fox-dung. Fox-dung. Fox-dung. I have to find... a partner? I need a partner. Do I have to get a partner? I-_

But her train of thought was interrupted by Flower pouncing on her again, grinning. "Be my partner, Fern!" It wasn't even a question; it was more like a request. Not even a request; more like a command. So Fern shrugged and accepted. Flower was nice to her when nobody else was, anyway.

 _I guess we're friends?_

* * *

The third time, they were full rogues. About fourteen moons old.

Flower kept mysteriously disappearing from time to time from camp. Nobody knew where she went, but she always came back late in the night, dodged all questions, and dropped into a deep sleep in the den.

She didn't even tell Fern anything at all about her disappearances. Sure, they still talked together, but everything was awkward and clipped. It was nothing like when they were both younger and were close friends.

Back then, Fern had confided so much more to Flower than she had to literally anyone else. But now... But now Flower couldn't even give one favor back to Fern and just tell her where she was sneaking off too.

* * *

 _This time, I'm following her,_ Fern thought to herself, confirming herself. _This time, I'm finding out what my friend is up to._

Each step was hard and felt like betrayal, but she continued shadowing Flower all the way through the twisty and turny path in the forest.

She finally caught up, and-

And-

Fern immediately wished she could have not turned that corner, and wanted to take back the image now burned into her mind. Flower had been viciously _murdering_ cats. Tearing out their innards. Blood was dripping _everywhere._ Sure, their rogue group was a violent one, but they all were sworn in under one strict rule—no unreasonable murder of strangers.

Unable to keep herself from being squicked, Fern cried out.

Immediately, Flower whipped around to find Fern trying to retreat backwards.

"No! Fern! I can explain! Fern, I can explain!" she shouted out desperately.

"I've... I've seen enough. You can go explain this to Leaf."

* * *

"You see, I've been trying to hunt you for ages. You weren't ever really my friend, Flower! You twisted my vision, and then it cleared up and I saw who the true you was," Fern said, tears beginning to drip as she concluded the retelling.

"Fern... Go ahead and do it. Kill me. Now my neck is open wide and is just begging for a fist around it. Come on. I'm already choking on my pride. There's no use crying about it."

When Fern hesitated even more to make the final killing blow, Flower kept on pleading.

"I'm so, so sorry, Fern. I... I made some mistakes. I was too confident in myself. I manipulated you. And yes, some of it was still real, I... I still lied to you. come on, do it."

And then she knew she had to do it, right then.

"... Goodbye Flower..."


End file.
